According to present-day knowledge, everything that can ever be said to exist must at some point appear and disappear at another, never letting itself be grasped in any fixed form or objectively understood place along the way, and yet maintaining some kind of elementary continuity. If that continuity is not just an illusion, then apparently it is the memory that is the basic underlying mechanism of existence, without which this principle of eternal change would have to cause only chaos, without the possibility of any order. And yet, orders do exist. On many different levels. Of varying degrees of complexity. With a constant threat of disintegration, in case of loss of memory and consequently, loss of continuity.
The experience of the Girl-Machine is the experience of this state of affairs. The tragedy of her fate is shared by everyone who notices their own finiteness – in time and in the possibilities of choosing their own paths. The choice is limited but necessary. Every step is a step towards a goal, while being aware of the reasons, but without being able to fully understand them. At the ball, the Girl takes the steps dazedly, uncertainly; she would like to know what she is taking them for and where she is going. She is fighting for that knowledge. After gaining the first experiences, she withdraws from the world for a bit, to try to gather the thoughts and understand her role. She doesn't want to be just a puppet at the service of urges. Introspection is difficult, and the discovered truth – bitter. But there's no escape from the truth – from the fate. One can only watch one’s own movements and possibly draw some satisfaction from them after all, what the Machine, freshly hatched from the Girl’s shell, actually does. The subtle beauty that promises a new life (the ball is in fact one big mating dance) is transformed into the terrible beauty that is heralding death. There is continuity and there is change.
Music is a micro-laboratory of changeability. It follows the same rules that govern the world – it creates entities with recognizable identities that maintain a certain continuity, but at the same time undergo transformations and can be closed in a form that is limited by time. It gives us an opportunity to observe the process, with only partial involvement. Without having to make a sacrifice of our own life, with us surrendering ourselves to fleeting emotions just for a short moment.
The Machine begins the chase, and the "theme” from the first part of the piece takes on a new form.
The first year of the fifth decade of my life is behind me. I guess so is the “young generation” category...
(transl. Magdalena Małek-Andrzejowska)